Growing up

as a senior in high school, most people would agree the most asked question is “so what are you doing after high school?”. The overlooked one that i would say is tied with that question is “are you excited?!” And i always struggle here because i do not want to begin a whole rant that was prompted by a question that was meant to be answered quickly and light heartedly. I know the older generations love seeing the youth and hope still in our eyes.

But in all honesty, i do not want to leave high school. My parents have begin granting me a lot of freedom which i greatly appreciate and am blessed to have. Food and housing is provided for me and my unending debt is not growing by the foot with every minute that passes.

Also i do not know what i am going to do with all my new free time. Before i had family obligations and things i had no options if i partaked in them or not. Now i will be buying groceries and preparing meals which sounds like a job on its own. Every single day having to decide what to eat three times? Growing up whenever i would voice my opinion on things like what to eat for dinner or which movie to watch my opinion was thrown out the window so i quickly learned to not care what we did or ate. This has had other consiquences but looking at the future, i will be making so many of my own decisions all the time. I no longer will have a curfew. I can stay the night at friends houses on school nights. What is this maddness?! I might end up anorexic just because i will be too overwhelmed to make any decisions. It will be so much freedom all at once i wont know what to do with myself. I will probably go insane from all the years of rules and restrictions quickly being released.

So no. I am not excited for college. I am already broke. I already possess freedom. I am happy at this stage in life but whether i want it to or not, time passes, and graduation will come, and i will have to deal with the decline of the rest of my life.


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